Kirsten Fisch
Co-Founder at - Momentum Health NetworkKirsten Fisch, MSN, RNC-MNN, IBCLC, LCCE Kirsten is a women's health nurse who specializes in high-risk pregnancy and postpartum care. She is certified in Maternal Newborn Nursing, a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator. She works with women from conception through the postpartum period. Passionate about empowering women throughout their reproductive journeys, Kirsten combines evidence-based care with compassionate support to promote the health and well-being of mothers and babies.
Childbirth is one of the most vulnerable and powerful experiences a person can have. But even during contractions, fear, and exhaustion, your voice matters. You deserve autonomy, respect, and informed decision-making every step of the way.
Unfortunately, not every birthing person feels heard. I recently cared for a patient whose story highlights the importance of self-advocacy—and how often it’s overlooked. Her experience was heartbreaking, but not uncommon.
A Story Too Many Can Relate To
This patient bravely shared her birth story with me during her postpartum recovery. She had been in labor for hours and was eventually told it was time to push. But something in her body said otherwise.
“I just didn’t feel ready,” she said. “I kept telling the doctor that I didn’t feel the urge to push. I didn’t feel it was time.”
Despite voicing her concerns several times, she was pressured into pushing. The physician warned her that her baby could die if she didn’t start immediately.
Under duress, and against her body’s instincts, she pushed for three exhausting hours.
She suffered severe third-degree tears. The emotional trauma of being ignored was almost as painful as the physical recovery that followed.
This story is not meant to scare you. It’s intended to wake all of us—providers, birthing people, and support partners—to the importance of listening to and honoring the voice of the person giving birth.
Pain Doesn’t Cancel Autonomy
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed during labor. Pain, fatigue, and fear can blur your ability to advocate clearly. But your body is wise. If something doesn’t feel right, say so. If you’re not being heard, say it again.
Here’s how you can hold onto your autonomy, even when you’re deep in labor:
1. Build a Team You Trust
Choose a birth team that listens to you, respects you, and doesn’t make decisions for you but with you. This includes your provider, nurses, partner, doula, or anyone else you invite into your birth space.
Ask your provider during prenatal visits:
- How do you handle situations where the patient disagrees with your recommendation?
- Can we delay pushing until I feel the urge, assuming my baby and I are stable?
2. Know Your Rights
You always have the right to:
- Ask questions
- Decline or delay interventions
- Request more time
- Say no
Even if you’re in pain. Even if the doctor is rushing. Even if the room feels tense.
You are not a passive participant in birth—you are the main event.
3. Use a Support Person as Your Voice
Sometimes during labor, you won’t have the energy to advocate loudly. That’s where a partner or doula can step in. They can remind staff of your birth preferences, ask clarifying questions, and help reinforce your boundaries.
Practice role-playing scenarios ahead of time. For example:
“If I say I’m not ready to push, and someone insists, can you back me up and ask if we can wait a little longer?”
4. Trust Your Body
Modern medicine can be life-saving. However, there is a delicate balance between support and control. If your baby and your vitals are stable, there’s often no harm in waiting until your body tells you it’s ready, especially when it comes to pushing.
The urge to push is a powerful physiological sign. Ignoring it can lead to fatigue, tearing, and a more difficult recovery.
5. Debrief After Birth
If things didn’t go the way you hoped, talk about it. Process it with a trusted provider, therapist, or support group. What happened to my patient should never have happened. And the fact that she knew something felt off makes her experience all the more painful.
Your story matters, and healing happens when we allow space to process it.
Your Voice Is a Medical Tool
Advocating for yourself during labor isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary. And it’s your right. You don’t owe compliance. You deserve collaboration.
To every birthing person reading this:
You can speak up. You can pause. You can ask for clarity. Even in pain, your voice is powerful, and it can shape your entire birth experience.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Have you had a similar experience during labor? What helped you feel empowered, or ignored? Share your story in the comments or reach out if you need support. Your voice could be the one that allows someone else to reclaim theirs.
Kirsten Fisch, MSN, RNC-MNN, IBCLC, LCCE Kirsten is a women's health nurse who specializes in high-risk pregnancy and postpartum care. She is certified in Maternal Newborn Nursing, a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator. She works with women from conception through the postpartum period. Passionate about empowering women throughout their reproductive journeys, Kirsten combines evidence-based care with compassionate support to promote the health and well-being of mothers and babies.
