Each year, millions of families around the world face the unimaginable loss of a baby through stillbirth. Defined as the loss of a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy, stillbirth is a profoundly emotional and challenging experience. While the journey through labor and delivery is typically marked by anticipation and joy, for parents facing stillbirth, it becomes a bittersweet process of saying goodbye.
Laboring Through Loss: What to Expect
After receiving the heartbreaking news of a stillbirth, the focus shifts to safely delivering the baby. In most cases, labor is induced to minimize physical risks to the mother. The medical team will explain the options, which might include induction of labor or, in some cases, a cesarean section depending on individual circumstances.
Physically, the process of labor is much the same as any delivery, but emotionally, it is uniquely challenging. Parents often face a flood of emotions, from grief and shock to love and longing. Many find the labor and delivery process to be an important opportunity to honor and connect with their baby, despite the pain of loss.
Decisions to Consider After Delivery
Following the birth, parents will need to make several deeply personal decisions. These moments can be overwhelming, but they also offer opportunities to create lasting memories and honor the baby’s life. Here are some considerations:
Holding the Baby
Many parents find comfort in holding their baby, even if only for a short time. This can be an important step in saying goodbye and acknowledging the baby’s place in the family. Holding your baby may help to process the loss and create a tangible connection. Others may feel unable to do so, which is also completely valid. Every family should make the choice that feels right for them without pressure or judgment.
Creating Memories
Hospitals often provide support for parents to create keepsakes and memories. These might include:
- Photographs: Professional bereavement photographers or hospital staff can take pictures of your baby, which can be cherished for years to come.
- Memory Box: Many families choose to collect items such as a lock of hair, the baby’s blanket or clothing, handprints, and footprints.
- Naming the Baby: Giving your baby a name can be a meaningful way to honor their life and acknowledge their place in your family.
Involving Older Siblings and Family
Explaining stillbirth to older siblings and family members requires sensitivity and care. Tailor your approach based on the child’s age and understanding:
- For Younger Children: Use simple, clear language to explain that the baby has died and won’t be coming home. Reassure them that it is not their fault and that their feelings of sadness, confusion, or anger are normal.
- For Older Children: Encourage open conversations and answer their questions honestly. Allow them to express their grief and include them in creating memories if they wish.
- For Extended Family: Inform relatives and friends in a way that feels comfortable for you. Consider asking a trusted person to share the news on your behalf if it feels too overwhelming.
Support and Compassion
The experience of labor and delivery after a stillbirth is profoundly personal, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to navigate it. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect your choices and provide comfort. Lean on healthcare providers, bereavement counselors, or support groups who can guide you through these moments with compassion and understanding.
Looking Ahead
While the pain of stillbirth never fully disappears, the memories created during labor and delivery can be a source of comfort and healing. By breaking the silence and sharing these experiences, we can create a world where grieving parents feel seen, supported, and understood.
If you or someone you love is facing this journey, know that you are not alone. Reach out to organizations, support groups, or counselors who specialize in pregnancy and infant loss for guidance. Together, we can honor the lives of babies gone too soon and provide a foundation of compassion for bereaved families.
