Kirsten Fisch
Co-Founder at - Momentum Health NetworkKirsten Fisch, MSN, RNC-MNN, IBCLC, LCCE Kirsten is a women's health nurse who specializes in high-risk pregnancy and postpartum care. She is certified in Maternal Newborn Nursing, a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a Lamaze-certified childbirth Educator. She works with women from conception through postpartum. Passionate about empowering women during their reproductive journeys, Kirsten combines evidence-based care with compassionate support to promote health and well-being for mothers and babies.
Feeding a newborn is often described as the most natural thing in the world. But anyone who has tried it—whether through breastfeeding, bottle feeding, formula feeding, or some combination—knows it is anything but simple.
Breastfeeding, in particular, is wrapped in layers of expectation, judgment, identity, and biology. For some, it unfolds smoothly, almost magically. For others, it can feel like a battleground, fought between ideals and reality, between body and baby, between one parent and another. In a time meant to be full of bonding and warmth, many mothers find themselves instead grappling with guilt, self-doubt, and pain.
As a postpartum nurse, I’m often in the room for many of these discussions. I’m asked to provide guidance on feeding—how often, how long, what’s normal, what’s not. In the hospital, there are so many rules:
- You need to feed your baby every 2 to 3 hours.
- If your baby is in the NICU, you need to be pumping every 3 hours, around the clock.
- Don’t give your baby a pacifier.
- Give your baby a pacifier.
- Change your baby’s diaper before you feed.
- Change your baby’s diaper after you feed.
When supporting new parents, I often say: There are the rules… and then there’s reality.
“I’ll See How It Goes”: A Permission-Based Failure?
When a parent says, “I’ll see how it goes, but I’m open to feeding my baby any way that works,” some may interpret this as a lack of commitment to breastfeeding, as if ambivalence itself will doom the effort. But is it?
In truth, this mindset can be both realistic and protective. It allows space for the unpredictable nature of newborn care. It acknowledges that while breastfeeding is natural, it is not always easy or feasible, due to medical issues, latch challenges, low milk supply, trauma, or sheer exhaustion. Flexibility does not equal failure. It’s a form of resilience. The ability to pivot, adapt, and respond to both the baby’s and the mother’s needs is a deeply maternal skill, not a flaw.
Yet, our culture often rewards certainty. The parent who says, “I’m definitely breastfeeding no matter what,” may be praised for their conviction, even if that conviction eventually leads them down a path of pain or distress.
Is It Dogmatic to Insist on Breastfeeding at All Costs?
Breastfeeding can be beautiful. It has health benefits, immune-boosting properties, bonding hormones, and physiological design. It can be convenient, affordable, and deeply satisfying.
But when a baby isn’t gaining weight, when a mother is suffering, when every feed ends in tears and every night feels like a failure, insisting on breastfeeding as the only acceptable way to feed a baby can border on dogma.
The hard truth is this: a baby who is not thriving is not benefiting. And a parent who is breaking down is not supported. Breastfeeding matters, yes. But so does mental health. So does sleep. So does the joy of holding your baby and not dreading the next feeding session.
Sometimes, the most loving thing a parent can do is make a change. That change might look like pumping, supplementing, switching to formula, or using donor milk. In all cases, it should be seen not as a failure but as a response to what both baby and parent truly need.
What If the Parents Disagree?
In two-parent households, feeding a baby can be an unexpectedly emotional source of conflict. One partner may feel strongly about exclusive breastfeeding. The other may want to introduce bottles for shared care or sleep preservation. One may see formula as a supportive tool; the other as a threat to bonding or a step backward from their goals.
These disagreements can strain relationships in a season already full of stress. And yet, they also invite deep conversations: What are we trying to achieve here? Health? Rest? Closeness? Identity?
The key is not in “winning” the feeding argument but in aligning around values and recognizing that both parents bring valid perspectives. Ultimately, the parent feeding the baby most frequently will experience the greatest physical and emotional impact. Their voice needs to be honored. But so, too, should the needs of the family system as a whole.
Feeding Is Personal
There’s no one right way to feed a baby. What works for one family might not work for another. What worked for your first baby might not work for your second. And what you thought you’d do might shift entirely when you’re in the thick of 3 a.m. wakeups and cracked nipples.
Feeding a newborn is an evolving relationship—not just between breast and baby or bottle and baby but also between parents, expectations, and the real-life demands of caregiving. It’s not about perfection. It’s about nourishment, connection, and choices that honor the baby and the person feeding.
So, whether you breastfeed for two years, two weeks, or not at all, know this: you are not failing. You are parenting—imperfectly, beautifully, and personally.
And that, in the end, is what truly matters.
Kirsten Fisch, MSN, RNC-MNN, IBCLC, LCCE Kirsten is a women's health nurse who specializes in high-risk pregnancy and postpartum care. She is certified in Maternal Newborn Nursing, a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), and a Lamaze-certified childbirth Educator. She works with women from conception through postpartum. Passionate about empowering women during their reproductive journeys, Kirsten combines evidence-based care with compassionate support to promote health and well-being for mothers and babies.
